I spent years praying for babies that wouldn't come and a solid six months living under a suffocating cloud of defeat. It is the only time in my life that I let the pain win and allowed hope to walk out the door. I thank God for the people who didn't give up. The people who continued to pray and shoulder the burden when I couldn't.
I wouldn't go back to tell myself anything. The sharpened character that emerged from that fire is a treasure that cannot be priced. God redeems. The enemy was successful in stealing my joy and purposeful in his pursuit, but he is no match for God's love or creativity.
I jumped out of bed without an alarm and, excitedly, rushed downstairs to get the boys up. LJ, uncharacteristically, popped out of bed and said, "Today is the big day!" As Sweet Boy climbed down his ladder and, sleepily, sat on my lap, the first tears flooded my eyes. God would have answered all of my prayers with one adoption. He would have satisfied my gut cry with one gift. Yet, my lap was heavy with my third.
More than me, this day was about him.
As we approached the courthouse, he looked up and said, "Mom, we've been here before, remember?" Yes. The past 15 months were booked solid with ridiculous red tape and multiple DNA tests.
For the first three months Sweet Boy lived with us, he held a bucket on his lap in the car because every other trip resulted in anxiety induced throw-up. He could barely speak without stutter and nearly every conversation was overtaken by tears. He didn't love; he didn't care. He was so fearful of not meeting our expectations that he self-disciplined and hit himself into submission. His story is so pervaded with neglect, I am astounded that he survived.
When it came to Sweet Boy's dark corner of the world, the enemy was near successful in destroying his life, but he is no match to God's power.
God redeems; he makes a home for the lonely (Psalm 98:6).
I had "Team Pinchback" tees made for our special day and my mom bought each of the boys a team hat with their individual adoption days inscribed on the side (Little Miss has a set waiting for her). Sweet Boy wasn't given his uniform until the official judgement, making that moment even more special!
Before the ceremony started, I stole a few minutes to tell my baby how proud I was to be his mom.
(Seriously cute - those dimples melt my heart!)
I may not have carried these babies in my belly, but my heart doesn't know the difference. I will never forget each moment the judge declared it in the best interest for them to forever be under my care.
Twenty-three people came alongside our family to cheer on our newly drafted member. What a gift each of them are and special thanks to my sweet friend, Casey, for helping us remember the day with pictures!
It is with so much joy that I introduce you to the sweetest boy I've ever met, our third born son - Francisco Jonathan Pinchback.
His new middle name honors the greatest spiritual influencer of our life and is profoundly appropriate as it means "Yahweh has Given".
God has entrusted this precious boy to our family and we will do our best to honor Him with our lives.